Welcome to the archived web site of
Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. Psychologist (1950-2013)
California License No. PSY 10092
 
Specializing in Presence-Centered Therapy
balancing mind and heart, body and spirit

Now in memoriam - This website is no longer being updated
While Dr. Friedman is no longer with us, there are still many helpful resources on his site. Articles and resource links have been relocated to the top. His family hopes you might find them helpful. But since this site is no longer being updated, some links may no longer work.

 


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Articles by Dr. Friedman (except where noted otherwise)

Categorized by Process | Topic

From His Book | Meditations For Life | The Flow of Money, Business and Innovation | Transpersonal/Mind-Body | Approaches, Worldview and Will-isms

Skills For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free | Feeling, Thought, Communication & Action

Strategies/Distinctions For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free

Awakening Stories/Metaphors For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free | The Way It Is

Holiday Family Gatherings | Cartoons, Jokes and Humor | Poems and Quotes | Song Lyrics, Wit and Wisdom

Song Lyrics, Wit and Wisdom

Song Lyrics For Life—Fun and Funniest 1
 

Twisted

—Annie Ross and Wardell Grey [Performed by Lambert, Hendricks and Ross & Joni Mitchell]

My analyst told me
That I was right out of my head
The way he described it
He said Id be better dead than live
I didn't listen to his jive
I knew all along
That he was all wrong
And I knew that he thought
I was crazy but I'm not
Oh no

My analyst told me
That I was right out of my head
He said Id need treatment
But I'm not that easily led
He said I was the type
That was most inclined
When out of his sight
To be out of my mind
And he thought I was nuts
No more ifs or ands or buts

They say as a child

I appeared a little bit wild
With all my crazy ideas
But I knew what was happening
I knew I was a genius...
What's so strange when you know
That you're a wizard at three
I knew that this was meant to be

Now I heard little children
Were supposed to sleep tight
That's why I got into the vodka one night
My parents got frantic
Didn't know what to do
But I saw some crazy scenes
Before I came to
Now do you think I was crazy
I may have been only three
But I was swinging

They all laugh at angry young men
They all laugh at Edison
And also at Einstein
So why should I feel sorry
If they just couldn't understand
The idiomatic logic
That went on in my head
I had a brain
It was insane
Oh they used to laugh at me
When I refused to ride
On all those double decker buses

All because there was no driver on the top

My analyst told me
That I was right out of my head
But I said dear doctor
I think that its you instead
Because I have got a thing
That's unique and new
To prove it Ill have
The last laugh on you
cause instead of one head
I got two
And you know two heads are better than one.


George Demont Otis     Rocky Mountains

A Rockin' Good Way (to Mess Around And Fall In Love) [duet]

—C. Otis, B. Benton, L. Dejesus [Performed by Dinah Washington & Brook Benton, Shakin' Stevens & Bonnie Tylor] [Female voice:]

If you're gonna give me good kisses like that

Honey don't you know I'm gonna give 'em right back

Cause that's a kissin' good way

That's a kissin' good way

That's a kissin' good way to mess around and fall in love

]Male voice:]
If you're gonna start out hugging me tight [Female voice:]
Right [Male voice:]
Don't mess around come and hug me right

Cause that's a huggin' good way

That's a huggin' good way

That's a huggin' good way to mess around and fall in love [Female voice:]
You know you called me on the phone [Male voice:]
Yeah I got your number [Female voice:]
And just because I was alone

Ah, you came around a-wooing [Male voice:]
Why not? [Female voice:]
You better ask somebody if you don't know what you're doing [Male voice:]
Now that you've kissed me and you rocked my soul

Don't come around knockin' rock and roll

Cause that's a rocking good way

That's a rockin' good way

That's a rocking good way to mess around and fall in love [Female voice:]
Tell me Baby [Male voice:]
Well, now you called me on the phone [Female voice:]
Yeah baby [Male voice:]
And just because I was alone

You came around a-wooing

You better ask somebody if you don't

know what you're doing [Female voice:]
Now that you've kissed me and you rocked my soul [Male voice:]
I love you so [Female voice:]
Don't come around knockin' rock and roll

Cause that's a rockin' good way

That's a rockin' good way

That's a rockin' good way

to mess around and fall in love [Female voice:]
It's a rockin' good way [Male voice:]
It's a rockin' good way [Both female and male voices:]
It's a rockin' good way to mess around and fall in love

*

If It Makes You Happy

—Sheryl Crow [Performed by Sheryl Crow]

I've been long, a long way from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitoes,
And drank til I was thirsty again
We went searching through thrift store jungles
Found Geronimo's rifle, Marilyn's shampoo
And Benny Goodman's corset and pen

Well, o.k. I made this up
I promised you I'd never give up

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

You get down, real low down
You listen to Coltrane, derail your own train
Well who hasn't been there before?
I come round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
And serve you French toast again

Well, o.k. I still get stoned
I'm not the kind of girl you'd take home

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

We've been far, far away from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitoes
And everywhere in between
Well, o.k. we get along
So what if right now everything's wrong?

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

Fly Me to the Moon (In Other Words)

—Bart Howard (sung by Frank Sinatra)

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, in other words
I love ... you

*

The Only Living Boy in New York City

—Paul Simon [Performed by Simon and Garfunkel]

Tom, get your plane right on time.
I know your part'll go fine.
Fly down to Mexico.
Da-n-da-da-n-da-n-da-da and here I am,
The only living boy in New York.
I get the news I need on the weather report.
I can gather all the news I need on the weather report.
Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile.
Da-n-da-da-n-da-da-n-da-da here I am
The only living boy in New York

Half of the time were gone but we don't know where,
And we don't know here.

Tom, get your plane right on time.
I know you've been eager to fly now.
Hey let your honesty shine, shine, shine
Da-n-da-da-n-da-da-n-da-da
Like it shines on me
The only living boy in New York,
The only living boy in New York.

*

Is You Is Or Is You Ain't My Baby

—Bill Austin/Louis Jordan [Performed by Buster Brown]

I got a gal that's always late
Every time we have a date
But I love her
Yes I love her

I'm gonna walk right up to her gate
And see if I can get it straight
Cause I want her
I'm gonna ask her

Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
The way you're actin' lately makes me doubt
Yous is still my baby-baby
Seems my flame in your heart's done gone out

A woman is a creature that has always been strange
Just when you're sure of one
You find she's gone and made a change

Is you is or is you ain't my baby
Maybe baby's found somebody new
Or is my baby still my baby true?

Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
The way you're actin' lately makes me doubt
Yours is still my baby-baby
Seems my flame in your heart's done gone out

A woman is a creature that has always been strange
Just when you're sure of one
You find she's gone and made a change

Is you is or is you ain't my baby
Maybe baby's found somebody new
Or is my baby still my baby true?

*

Short People

—Randy Newman [Performed by Randy Newman]

Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
Short people got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
`Round here

Short people are just the same
As you and I
(A fool such as I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's a wonderful world)

Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
Short people got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That go beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
Don't want no short people
'Round here

*

Baby Face

—Harry Akst & Benny Davis [Performed by Al Jolson]

Rosy cheeks and turned up nose and curly hair
I'm raving 'bout my baby now
Pretty little dimples here and dimples there
Don't want to live without her
I love her goodness knows
I wrote a song about her and here's the way it goes

Baby Face, you've got the cutest little baby face
There's not another one could take your place, Baby face
My poor heart is jumpin', you sure have started somethin'
Baby face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace
I didn't need a shove, 'cause I just fell in love
With your pretty baby face

When you were a baby not so long ago
You must have been the cutest thing
I can picture you at ev'ry baby show
Just winnin' ev'ry ribbon with your sweet baby way
Say, honest I ain't fibbin', you'd win 'em all today

Baby Face, you've got the cutest little baby face
There's not another one could take your place, Baby face
My poor heart is jumpin', you sure have started somethin'
Baby face, I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace
I didn't need a shove, 'cause I just fell in love
With your pretty baby face


George Demont Otis     Mt. Tamalpais from Tiburon

Get Back

—John Lennon & Paul McCartney [Performed by The Beatles]

Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner
But he knew it wouldn't last.
Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona
For some California grass.
Get back, get back.
Get back to where you once belonged
Get back, get back.
Get back to where you once belonged.
Get back Jojo. go home
Get back, get back.
Back to where you once belonged
Get back, get back.
Back to where you once belonged.
Get back Jo.

Sweet Loretta martin thought she was a woman
But she was another man
All the girls around her say she's got it coming
But she gets it while she can
Get back, get back.
Get back to where you once belonged
Get back, get back.
Get back to where you once belonged.
Get back Loretta. go home
Get back, get back.
Get back to where you once belonged
Get back, get back.
Get back to where you once belonged.
Get back Loretta
Your mother's waiting for you
Wearing her high-heel shoes
And her low-neck sweater
Get on home Loretta
Get back, get back.
Get back to where you once belonged.

*

Illegal Smile

—John Prine [Performed by John Prine]

When I woke up this morning, things were lookin' bad
Seem like total silence was the only friend I had
Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down... and won
And it was twelve o'clock before I realized
That I was havin' .. no fun

But fortunately I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone
No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun

Last time I checked my bankroll,
It was gettin' thin
Sometimes it seems like the bottom
Is the only place I've been
I Chased a rainbow down a one-way street... dead end
And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen

But fortunately I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone
No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun

Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls
Tryin' to get away
From all the ears inside my walls
I dreamed the police heard
Everything I thought... what then?
Well I went to court
And the judge's name was Hoffman

Ah but fortunately I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone
No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun
Well done, hot dog bun, my sister's a nun

Outside of A Small Circle of Friends

—Phil Ochs [Performed by Phil Ochs]

Look outside the window, there's a woman being grabbed
They've dragged her to the bushes and now she's being stabbed
Maybe we should call the cops and try to stop the pain
But monopoly is so much fun, I'd hate to blow the game

And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Riding down the highway, yes, my back is getting stiff
Thirteen cars are piled up, they're hanging on a cliff.
Maybe we should pull them back with our towing chain
But we gotta move and we might get sued and it looks like it's gonna rain
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Sweating in the ghetto with the (colored panthers) and the poor
The rats have joined the babies who are sleeping on the floor
Now wouldn't it be a riot if they really blew their tops?
But they got too much already and besides we got the cops
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends.

Oh there's a dirty paper using sex to make a sale
The supreme court was so upset, they sent him off to jail.

Maybe we should help the fiend and take away his fine.
But we're busy reading playboy and the Sunday New York Times
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle of friends

Smoking marihuana is more fun than drinking beer,
But a friend of ours was captured and they gave him thirty years
Maybe we should raise our voices, ask somebody why
But demonstrations are a drag, besides we're much too high
And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody
Outside of a small circle

*

Fortunate Son

—John Fogerty [Performed by Creedence Clearwater Revival]

Some folks are born made to wave the flag,
Ooh, they're red, white and blue.
And when the band plays hail to the chief,
Ooh, they point the cannon at you, lord,

It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senators son, son.
It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one, no,

Yeah!
Some folks are born silver spoon in hand,
Lord, don't they help themselves, oh.
But when the taxman comes to the door,
Lord, the house looks like a rummage sale, yes,

It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no millionaires son, no.
It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one, no.

Some folks inherit star spangled eyes,
Ooh, they send you down to war, lord,
And when you ask them, how much should we give?
Ooh, they only answer more! more! more! yoh,

It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no military son, son.
It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one, one.

It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate one, no no no,
It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate son, no no no

*

Mr. Bojangles

—Jerry Jeff Walker [Performed by Jerry Jeff Walker & The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band]

I knew a man Bojangles and he'd dance for you
In worn out shoes
Silver hair and ragged shirt and baggy pants
He did the old soft shoe
He jumped so high he jumped so high
Then he'd lightly touch down

I met him in a cell in New Orleans
I was down and out
He looked to me to be the eyes of age
As he spoke right out
He talked of life he talked of life
He laughed slapped his leg a step

He said the name Bojangles and he danced a lick across the cell
He grabbed his pants a better stance then he jumped so high
He clicked his heels
He let go a laugh oh he let go a laugh
Shook back his clothes all around

Mr. Bojangles
Mr. Bojangles
Mr. Bojangles
Dance

He danced for those at minstrel shows and county fairs throughout the South
He spoke with tears of fifteen years how his dog and him traveled about
His dog up and died he up and died
After twenty years he still grieves

He said I dance now at every chance in honky tonks for drinks and tips
But most o' the time I spend behind these county bars
Hell I drinks a bit
He shook his head and as he shook his head
I heard someone ask him please

Mr. Bojangles
Mr. Bojangles
Mr. Bojangles
Dance

*

My Life Is Good

—Randy Newman [Performed by Randy Newman]

A couple of week ago
My wife and I
Took a little trip down to
Mexico
Met this young girl there
We brought her back with us
Now she lives with us
In Our Home
She cleans the hallway
She cleans the stair
She cleans the living room
She wipes the baby's ass
She drives the kids to school
She does the laundry too
She wrote this song for me
Listen
Yeah

The other afternoon
My wife and I
Took a little ride into
Beverly Hills
Went to the private school
Our oldest child attends
Many famous people send their children there
This teacher says to us
"We have a problem here
This child just will not do
A thing I tell him to
And he's such a big old thing
He hurts the other children
All the games they play, he plays so rough
Hold it teacher
Wait a minute
Maybe my hears are clogged or somethin'
Maybe I'm not understanding
The English language
Dear, you don't seem to realize

My Life Is Good
My Life Is Good
My Life Is Good, you old bag
My Life, My Life

Just this evening
Some young associates of ours
Are flying to see us from
New York City
They're gonna stay with us
Oh, a couple of weeks or so
I'm gonna take 'em to
Restaurants and everything
Gonna get'em some
Real good cocaine
They don't get much
Where they come from
And this one's guy wife
Is such a pretty little brown thing
That I'm liable to give her a poke or two
Whaddaya think of that?

Teacher, let me tell you a little story
Just this morning
My wife and I
Went to this hotel in the hills
That's right
The Bel-Air Hotel
Where a very good friend of ours
Happens to be staying
And the name of this young man
Is Mr Bruce Springsteen
That's right, yeah
Oh, we talked about some kind of
woodblock or something
And this new guitar we like
And you know what he said to me
I'll tell you what he said to me
He said, "Rand, I'm tired
How would you like to be the Boss for awhile?"
Well, yeah
Blow, Big Man, blow

My Life Is Good
My Life Is Good
My Life Is Good
My Life, My Life Is Good

*

Quit Hollerin' At Me

—John Prine and Gary Nicholson [Performed by John Prine]

I don't want your big French Fry
I don't want your car
I don't want to buy no soap
From no washed-up movie star
You are so much louder
Than the show I wanna hear
With your sugarless gum
Gee, but I'm dumb
Non-alcoholic beer
It's enough to make a grown man
Blow up his own TV
Quit hollerin' at me
Quit hollerin' at me
I heard you the first time
I heard myself say
Seems like the little woman
Is getting bigger every day
You don't have to tell the neighbors
A little silence ain't no sin
They already think my name is
Where in the hell you been?
Louder, louder, louder, louder, louder
Constantly
Quit hollerin' at me
Quit hollerin' at me
Whoa oh whoa oh
Sweet Serenity
Whoa oh whoa oh
Quit hollerin' at me
Quit hollerin' at me
Ain't it great at the end of the day
When there ain't no sound around
Just me and the fence post
Staring each other down
Nothing but a big bunch of nothing
Driving me insane
Cause there ain't no voice that's louder
Than the one inside my brain
Hey you go on
Go on and let me be
Quit hollerin' at me
Quit hollerin' at me
Whoa oh whoa oh
Sweet Serenity
Whoa oh whoa oh
Quit hollerin' at me
Quit hollerin' at me
Quit hollerin' at me
Quit hollerin' at me
Quit hollerin' at me

Dead Skunk

—Loudon Wainwright [Performed by Loudon Wainwright]

Crossin' the highway late last night
He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right
He didn't see the station wagon car
The skunk got squashed and there you are!

You got yer
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
You got yer dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high Heaven!

Take a whiff on me, that ain't no rose!
Roll up yer window and hold yer nose
You don't have to look and you don't have to see
'Cause you can feel it in your olfactory

You got yer
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
You got yer dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high Heaven!

Yeah you got yer dead cat and you got yer dead dog
On a moonlight night you got yer dead toad frog
Got yer dead rabbit and yer dead raccoon
The blood and the guts they're gonna make you swoon!
You got yer
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
You got yer dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high Heaven!

C'mon stink!

You got it!
It's dead, it's in the middle
Dead skunk in the middle!
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinkin' to high heaven!
All over the road, technicolor man!
Oh, you got pollution
It's dead, it's in the middle
And it's stinkin' to high, high Heaven

*

Dear Abby

—John Prine [Performed by John Prine]

Dear Abby, Dear Abby ...
My feet are too long
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all
Won't you write me a letter, Won't you give me a call
Signed Bewildered

Bewildered, Bewildered...

You have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up Buster, and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
My fountain pen leaks
My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks
Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed
If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead
Signed Unhappy

Unhappy, Unhappy...
You have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up Buster, and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
You won't believe this
But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss
My girlfriend tells me It's all in my head
But my stomach tells me to write you instead
Signed Noise-maker

Noise-maker, Noise-maker
You have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up Buster, and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
Well I never thought
That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze
With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees
Signed Just Married

Just Married, Just Married...
You have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up Buster, and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood


George Demont Otis     Mount Tamalpais from CMC

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

—Thomas Connor

Christmas toys all over the place
Little Johnny wears a funny smile on his face
Johnny has a secret, and a secret he must share
He wants to tell somebody, so he tells his Teddy Bear
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
Well, she didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She though that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
Then I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
What a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had walked in
And saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
Well, she didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
She though that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
But I know I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
What a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had walked in
And saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night
And saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night (One more time!)
And saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night
On the Lips!

*

Eggplant

—Michael Franks [Performed by Michael Franks]

Whenever I explore the land of Yen
I always take one on the chin
And now this lioness has almost made me tame.
I can't pronounce her name but Eggplant is her game.

The lady sticks to me like white on rice.
She never cooks
the same way twice.
Maybe it's the mushrooms. Maybe the tomatoes.
I can't reveal her name but Eggplant is her game.

When my baby cooks her Eggplant,
She don't read no book.
She's got a Giocanna kinda of dirty look

And my baby cooks her Eggplant,
Bout 19 different ways.
Sometimes I just have it raw with Mayonnaise.

Maybe its the way she grates her cheese,
Or just the freckles on her knees.
Maybe its the scallions. Maybe she's Italian.
I can't reveal her name but Eggplant is her game.

When my baby cooks her Eggplant,
She don't read no book.
She's got a Giocanna kinda of dirty look.

And my baby cooks her Eggplant,
Bout 19 different ways.
Sometimes I just have it raw with Mayonnaise

*

The Accident (Things Could Be Worse)

—John Prine [Performed by John Prine]

Last night I saw an accident
on the corner of Third and Green
two cars collided and I got excited
just being part of that scene

It was Mrs. Tom Walker and her beautiful daughter
Pamela, was driving the car
they got hit by a man in a light blue sedan
who had obviously been to a bar.

They don't know how lucky they are
they could have run into that tree
got struck by a bolt of lightning
and raped by a minority.

It was a four way dilemma
we all arrived the same time
I yielded to the man to the right of me
and he yielded it right back to mine
well, the yield went around and around and around
till Pamela finally tried
just then the man in the light blue sedan
hit Pamela's passenger side.
They don't know how lucky they are
they could have run into that tree
got struck by a bolt of lightning
and raped by a minority.

Pamela hit her head on the mirror
Mrs. Walker got a bump on the knee
the man hit himself in the face and said
"Why does this happen to me?"
the neighbors came out
and they gathered about
saying "Hey! who hit who anyway?"
and the police arrived at a quarter to five
and pronounced all the victims "Okay".
They don't know how lucky they are
they could have run into that tree
got struck by a bolt of lightning
and raped by a minority.

High Hopes

—Sammy Cahn & Jimmy Van Heusen [Performed by Frank Sinatra]

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think hell move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, cant
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your getting' low
stead of lettin' go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

When troubles call, and your backs to the wall
There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram, scram
He kept buttin' that dam

cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes
He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your feelin' bad
stead of feelin' sad
Just remember that ram
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam

All problems just a toy balloon
They'll be bursted soon
They're just bound to go pop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop

*

Popsicle Toes

—Michael Franks [Performed by Michael Franks]

And when God gave out rhythm
He sure was good to you.
You can add, subtract, multiply
and divide...
By two.

I know today's your birthday,
And I did not buy no rose.
But I wrote this song instead and I call it,
"Popsicle Toes".

Popsicle toes.
Popsicle toes are always froze.
Popsicle toes.
You're so brave to expose all those popsicle toes.

You must have been Miss Pennsylvania
With all this pulchritude.
How come you always load your Pentax
When I'm in the nude?

We oughta have a birthday party,
And you can wear you birthday clothes
We can hit the floor
And go explore those
Popsicle toes.

You got the nicest North America
This sailor ever saw.
I'd like to feel your warm Brazil
And touch your Panama

But Your Tierra del Fuegos
Are nearly always froze.
We gotta see saw
until we unthaw those
Popsicle toes.

Popsicle toes.
Popsicle toes are always froze.
Popsicle toes.
You're so brave to expose all those popsicle toes

*

You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby

—Johnny Mercer [Performed by Bing Crosby, Bobby Darin & Michael Buble]

You must have been a beautiful baby
You must have been a wonderful child
When you were only starting to go to kindergarten
I bet you drove the little boys wild.
And when it came to winning blue ribbons
You must have shown the other kids how.
I can see the judges' eyes as they handed you the prize
You must have made the cutest bow.
You must've been a beautiful baby
'Cause baby look at you now.

Does your mother realize
The stork delivered quite a prize
The day he left you on the family tree?
Does your dad appreciate
That you're merely super great
The miracle of any century?
If they don't just send them both to me.

You must have been a beautiful baby
You must have been a wonderful child.
When you were only starting to go to kindergarten
I bet you drove the little boys wild.
And when it came to winning blue ribbons
You must have shown the other kids how.
I can see the judges' eyes as they handed you the prize
You must have made the cutest bow.
You must've been a beautiful baby
'Cause baby look at you now.

*

Jeepers Creepers

—Johnny Mercer [Performed by Louis Armstrong, Billie Holiday & Frank Sinatra]

Jeepers, creepers....where'd ya get them peepers
Jeepers, creepers...where'd ya get those eyes
Gosh oh, git up....how'd they get so lit up
Gosh oh, gee oh....how'd they get that size

Golly gee...when you turn them heaters on
Woe is me...got to put my cheaters on

Jeepers, creepers....where'd ya get them peepers
Oh, those weepers....how they hypnotize

Jeepers, creepers....where'd ya get them peepers
Oh, those weepers....how they hypnotize
Where did ya get those
Golly where'd ya get those
Where did ya get them there eyes

That Don't Impress Me Much

—Shania Twain [Performed by ShaniaTwain]

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art
You think you're a genius-you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, a know-it-all
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
That don't impress me much
So you got the brain but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much

I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
And a comb up his sleeve-just in case
And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it
'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you're Brad Pitt
That don't impress me much
So you got the looks but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much

You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in
I can't believe you kiss your car good night
C'mon baby tell me-you must be jokin', right!

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you've got a car
That don't impress me much
So you got the moves but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

That don't impress me much
You think you're cool but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night
That don't impress me much

Okay, so what do you think you're Elvis or something...
Oo-Oh-Oh
That don't impress me much!

Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-No
Alright! Alright!

You're Tarzan!
Captain Kirk maybe.
John Wayne.
Whatever!
That don't impress me much!

*

Glow Worm

—Original words by Lilla Cayley Robinson; Modern words by Johnny Mercer [Performed by The Mills Brothers]

Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer
Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer
Lead us lest too far we wander
Love's sweet voice is calling yonder
Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer
Hey, there don't get dimmer, dimmer
Light the path below, above
And lead us on to love!

Glow little glow-worm, fly of fire
Glow like an incandescent wire
Glow for the female of the species
Turn on the AC and the DC
This night could use a little brightnin'
Light up you little ol' bug of lightnin'
When you gotta glow, you gotta glow
Glow little glow-worm, glow

Glow little glow-worm, glow and glimmer
Swim through the sea of night, little swimmer
Thou aeronautical boll weevil
Illuminate yon woods primeval
See how the shadows deep and darken
You and your chick should get to sparkin'
I got a gal that I love so
Glow little glow-worm, glow

Glow little glow-worm, turn the key on
You are equipped with taillight neon
You got a cute vest-pocket *Mazda*
Which you can make both slow and *fazda*
I don't know who you took a shine to
Or who you're out to make a sign to
I got a gal that I love so
Glow little glow-worm, glow
Glow little glow-worm, glow
Glow little glow-worm, glow
Glow little glow-worm, glow!!

Note: *Mazda* and "fazda* are pronounced as "mastuh" and "fastuh"

*

Up Against the Wall Redneck Mother

—Jerry Jeff Walker [Performed by Jerry Jeff Walker]

He was born in Oklahoma,
His wife's name's Betty Lou Thelma Liz
And he's not responsible for what he's doing
Cause his mother made him what he is.

And it's up against the wall Redneck Mother,
Mother, who has raised her son so well.
He's thirty-four and drinking in a honky tonk.
Just kicking hippies asses and raising hell.

Sure does like his Falstaff beer,
Likes to chase it down with that Wild Turkey liquor;
Drives a fifty-seven GMC pickup truck;
He's got a gun rack; "Goat ropers need love, too" sticker

And it's up against the wall Redneck Mother,
Mother, who has raised her son so well.
He's thirty-four and drinking in a honky tonk.
Just kicking hippies asses and raising hell.

Well,
M is for the mudflaps you give me for my pickup truck
O is for the Oil I put on my hair
T is for T-bird
H is for Haggard
E is for eggs, and
R is for REDNECK.

Up against the wall Redneck Mother,
Mother, who has raised her son so well.
He's thirty-four and drinking in a honky tonk.
Kicking hippies asses and raising hell.

He's up against the wall Redneck Mother,
Mother, who has raised her son so well.
He's thirty-four and drinking in a honky tonk.
Just kicking hippies asses and raising hell.

*

Margaritaville

—Jimmy Buffett [Performed by Jimmy Buffett]

Nibblin' on sponge cake
Watchin' the sun bake
All of those tourists covered with oil
Strummin' my six-string
On my front porch swing
Smell those shrimp they're beginnin' to boil

Chorus:
Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know its nobody's fault

I don't know the reason
I stayed here all season
Nothin' to show but this brand new tattoo
But its a real beauty
A Mexican cutie
How it got here I haven't a clue

Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
Now I think
Hell, it could be my fault

I blew out my flip-flop
Stepped on a pop-top
Cut my heel had to cruise on back home
But there's booze in the blender
And soon it will render
That frozen concoction that helps me hang on

Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
Searching for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
But I know its my own damn fault
Yes and some people claim that there's a woman to blame
And I know its my own damn fault


George Demont Otis     Summer Shadows

I'm A Woman

—Jerry Lieber & Mike Stoller [Performed by Maria Muldaur]

I can wash out forty-four pairs of socks
And have them hangin' out on the line
I can starch and iron two dozen shirts
Before you can count from one to nine
I can scoop up a great big dipper
Full of lard from the drippin's can
Throw it in the skillet, go out and do my
Shopping and be back before it melts in the pan
'Cause I'm a woman
Double U O M A N
I'll say it again

I can rub and scrub till this old house
Is shinin' like a dime
Feed the baby, grease the car and
Powder my face at the same time
Get all dressed up, go out and swing
Till four a.m. and then
Lay down at five, jump up at six
And start all over again
'Cause I'm a woman
Double U O M A N
I'll say it again

If you come to me sickly, you know
I'm gonna make you well
If you come to me hexed up,
You know I'm gonna break the spell
If you come to me hungry,
You know I'm gonna fill you full o' grits
If it's lovin' you're lackin, I'll kiss you
And give you the shiverin' fits
'Cause I'm a woman
Double U O M A N
I'll say it again

I can stretch a greenback dollar bill
From here to kingdom come
I can play the numbers, pay my bills
And still end up with some
I got a twenty dollar gold piece says
There ain't nothin I can't do
I can make a dress out of a feed bag
And I can make a man out of you
'Cause I'm a woman
Double U O M A N
I'll say it again
'Cause I'm a woman
Double U O M A N
And that's all

*

Okie From Muskogee

—Merle Haggard [Performed by Merle Haggard]

We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee;
We don't take our trips on LSD
We don't burn our draft cards down on Main Street;
We like livin' right, and bein' free.

I'm proud to be an Okie from Muskogee,
A place where even squares can have a ball
We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
And white lightnin's still the biggest thrill of all

We don't make a party out of lovin';
We like holdin' hands and pitchin' woo;
We don't let our hair grow long and shaggy,
Like the hippies out in San Francisco do.

And I'm proud to be an Okie from Muskogee,
A place where even squares can have a ball.
We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
And white lightnin's still the biggest thrill of all.

Leather boots are still in style for manly footwear;
Beads and Roman sandals won't be seen.
Football's still the roughest thing on campus,
And the kids here still respect the college dean.

We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
In Muskogee, Oklahoma, USA.

*

Asshole From El Paso

—Chinga Chavin & Kenny Snakebite Jacobs [Performed by Kinky Friedman]

We don't have no love-ins in El Paso
We don't go to porno picture shows
We don't swap our wives with our neighbors
And we keep our kids away from Mexico.

And I'm proud to be an asshole from El Paso
A place where sweet young virgins are deflowered.
You walk down the street knee-deep in tacos
Ta-ta-ta-tacos
And the wetbacks still get twenty cents an hour.

We don't wipe our asses on old glory,
God and lone star beer are things we trust.
We keep our women virgins till they're married
So hosin' sheep is good enough for us.

And I'm proud to be an asshole from El Paso
A place where sweet young virgins are deflowered.
You walk down the street knee-deep in tacos
Ta-ta-ta-tacos
And the wetbacks still get twenty cents an hour.

I'm proud to be an asshole from El Paso
A place where sweet young virgins are deflowered.
You walk down that street knee-deep in tacos
Ta-ta-ta-tacos
And the wetbacks still get twenty cents an hour

*

Make A Circuit With Me

—The Polecats [Performed by The Polecats]

A sweet romance is not for me
I need electricity
If you wanna make me flip
Hit me with a micro chip

I'll be a diode, cathode, electrode
Overload, generator, oscillator
Make a circuit with me

Just plug in and go-go-go
I'll be your human dynamo
Signals in my power cord
Impulse on my circuit board

I'm an AC/DC man
You can read my circuit diagram
I feed on electric jolts
I need fifty-thousand volts

A sweet romance is not for me
I really need electricity
If you wanna make me flip
Come on and hit me with a micro chip

I'm an AC/DC man
You can read my circuit diagram
I feed on electric jolts
I need fifty-thousand volts

*

Life'll Kill Ya

—Warren Zevon [Performed by Warren Zevon]

You've got an invalid haircut
It hurts when you smile
You'd better get out of town
Before your nickname expires
It's the kingdom of the spiders
It's the empire of the ants
You need a permit to
walk around downtown
You need a license to dance

Life'll kill ya
That's what I said
Life'll kill ya
Then you'll be dead
Life'll find ya
Wherever you go
Requiescat in pace
That's all she wrote

From the President of
the United States
To the lowliest rock and roll star
The doctor is in and
he'll see you now

He don't care who you are
Some get the awful, awful diseases
Some get the knife,
some get the gun
Some get to die in their sleep
At the age of a hundred and one

Life'll kill ya
That's what I said
Life'll kill ya
Then you'll be dead
Life'll find ya
Wherever you go
Requiescat in pace
That's all she wrote

Maybe you'll go to heaven
See Uncle Al and Uncle Lou
Maybe you'll be reincarnated
Maybe that stuff's true
If you were good
Maybe you'll come back
as someone nice
And if you were bad
Maybe you'll have to pay the price

Life'll kill ya
That's what I said
Life'll kill ya
Then you'll be dead
Life'll find ya
Wherever you go
Requiescat in pace
That's all she wrote

A Boy Named Sue

—Johnny Cash [Performed by Johnny Cash]

My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."

Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now your gonna die!!"

Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.

And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."

He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!

*

The Banana Boat Song (Day-O)

—Author Unknown (Jamaican folk song) [Performed by Harry Belafonte]

Day-o, Day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Work all night on a drink a' rum
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Stack banana till the mornin' come
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
It's six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH!
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH!
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home
A beautiful bunch a' ripe banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Hide the deadly black tarantula
Daylight come and me wan' go home
It's six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH!
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH!
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day-o, day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home

*

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

—Paul Vance & Lee Pickriss [Performed by Brian Hyland]

She was afraid to come out of the locker
She was as nervous as she could be
She was afraid to come out of the locker
She was afraid that somebody would see
One, two, three, four, tell the people what she wore

It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
That she wore for the first time today.
An itsy bitsy teentie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini

So in the locker she wanted to stay.
Two, three, four, stick around we'll tell you more
She was afraid to come out in the open
And so a blanket around she wore
She was afraid to come out in the open
And so she sat bundled up on the shore
Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore

It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
That she wore for the first time today.
An itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini

So in the blanket she wanted to stay.
Two, three, four, stick around we'll tell you more

Now she is afraid to come out of the water
And I wonder what she's gonna do
Now she is afraid to come out of the water
And the poor little girl's turning blue
Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore

It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
That she wore for the first time today.
An itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini

So in the water she wanted to stay.
From the locker to the blanket
From the blanket to the shore
From the shore to the water
Yes there isn't any more.

Louie Louis

—Richard Berry [Performed by The Kingmen]


Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go

Fine little girl waits for me
Catch a ship across the sea
Sail that ship about, all alone
Never know if I make it home

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go

Three nights and days I sail the sea
Think of girl, constantly
On that ship, I dream she's there
I smell the rose in her hair.

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go
Okay, let's give it to 'em, right now!

See Jamaica, the moon above
It won't be long, me see me love
Take her in my arms again
Tell her I'll never leave again

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go
Let's take it on outa here now
Let's go!!

 

Wang Dang Doodle

—Willie Dixon [Performed by Koko Taylor & Howlin' Wolf]
 

Tell Automatic Slim , tell Razor Totin' Jim
Tell Butcher Knife Totin' Annie, tell Fast Talking Fanny
A we gonna pitch a ball, a down to that union hall
We gonna romp and tromp till midnight
We gonna fuss and fight till daylight
We gonna pitch a wang dang doodle all night long
All night long, All night long, All night long

Tell Kudu-Crawlin' Red, tell Abyssinian Ned
Tell ol' Pistol Pete, everybody gonna meet
Tonight we need no rest, we really gonna throw a mess
We gonna to break out all of the windows,
we gonna kick down all the doors
We gonna pitch a wang dang doodle all night long
All night long, All night long, All night long

Tell Fats and Washboard Sam, that everybody gonna to jam
Tell Shaky and Boxcar Joe, we got sawdust on the floor
Tell Peg and Caroline Dye, we gonna have a time
When the fish scent fill the air, there'll be snuff juice everywhere
We gonna pitch a wang dang doodle all night long
All night long, All night long etc.


George Demont Otis     Desert Sage Brush

 


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