Welcome to the archived web site of
Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. Psychologist (1950-2013)
California License No. PSY 10092
Specializing in Presence-Centered Therapy
balancing mind and heart, body and spirit
Now in memoriam - This website is no longer being updated
Articles by Dr. Friedman (except where noted otherwise)
Jokes and Humor
For Life 1
There is bound to be an enlightened guru somewhere seeing nonduality in a nutshell:
guru walked in and stood at the front of the meeting and said "What's red, got
a bushy tail, and eats nuts?"
player: "Where should I hit it?"
you know what a Freudian slip is?"
The Buddha Master Encounters the Hot Dog Master
A Buddhist monk contemplated for many years in Tibet. The Buddha master decided it was time to go to New York City and soon arrived. Still wearing his orange robes, he walked up to a New York City hot dog vender and said, "Make me one with everything" and winked at the vendor, realizing the pun he had made.
dog vendor slyly replied, "Of course you know, you're already one with everything,"
and winked back.
The Buddha master asked, "Aren't you going to make me change?"
The vendor wryly smiled, "My friend, all change comes from within," winking again. In that moment the Buddha master became enlightened.
idiots walk past a mirror. The first guy stops and says, "The face is familiar,
but I can't quite remember the name."
I'm suing you for malpractice on behalf of John Smith
at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of
airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne foul
to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun
and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements
were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired,
the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into
the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control
console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back
wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA
the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield
and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line
memo: "Defrost the chicken."
Why Worry?Author Unknown
There are only two things to worry about-
said 'nothing's impossible' never tried to nail jello to a tree.
A woman sent her not-too-bright husband to the supermarket for groceries. When he hadn't returned an hour later, she went looking for him, worried something had gone wrong. She found him in the frozen food aisle staring at the frozen orange juice because the label said, "Concentrate."
day Mulla Nasrudin got word that he had received a special message from the Sheik
in Basra. When he went to pick it up they told him he must first identify himself.
Nasrudin fished in his trousers and took out a brass mirror. Looking into it he
exclaimed, "Yup, that's me all right."
you ever been in therapy? It's like a really easy game show where the correct
answer to every question is: 'Because of my mother.
read a self-help book about a woman who cured her malignant liver tumor with positive
thinking. I don't have enough happy thoughts to get rid of a zit.
Pun-itive SentencesURL www.whimsy.org.uk/commonsense.html
1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
3. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
4. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
5. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
10. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
11. Every calendar's days are numbered.
12. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students
14. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
15. He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
16. She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
17. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
18. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
19. It wasn't school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
20. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
21. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
22. A grenade
thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
23. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
24. The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
25. Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
26. There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
27. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
28. The short
fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
29. Some Spanish government employees are Seville servants.
30. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Show me someone in denial and I'll show you a person in Egypt up to
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was
33. When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
34. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
35. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
36. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
37. Driving on so many turnpikes was taking its toll.
38. To somemarriage is a word. . . to othersa sentence.
39. Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
40. In democracy it's your
vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
41. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
42. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
43. Old skiers never diethey just go down hill.
44. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
45. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
46. When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a
48. How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his
50. A pediatrician is a doctor of little patients.
51. Nylons give women a run for their money.
52. Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board.
53. Ancient orators tended to Babylon.
54. The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
55. If you give some managers an inch they think they're a ruler.
56. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
57. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
58. Old burglars never die they just steal away.
59. A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.
60. Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking zones disease.
61. Some people don't like food going to waist..
62. A cannibal's favourite game is 'swallow the leader'.
63. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
64. Girls who don't get
asked out as often as their friends could feel
We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn't even afford to pay
66. A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary.
67. A backwards poet writes inverse.
68. If a lawyer can be disbarred can a musician be denoted or a model deposed?
69. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
70. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
71. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
72. When chemists die, we barium.
A long knife has been invented that cuts four loaves of bread at a time
74. When the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution.
75. Two robbers with clubs went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway.
76. Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
77. A circus lion won't eat clowns because they taste funny.
78. A toothless termite walked into a tavern
and said, "Is the bar tender
79. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was intense.
80. A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.
81. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
82. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
83. When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
84. What you seize is what you get.
85. Gardeners always know the ground rules.
Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and
87. Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
88. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
89. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese.
90. When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party.
91. Looting a drugstore is called Pillaging.
92. Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
93. Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.
94. A music store had a small sign which read: Bach in a Minuet.
95. Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
96. Visitors to Cuba are usually Havana good time.
97. A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancée-free.
98. A ditch digger was entrenched in his career.
99. A girl and her boyfriend went to a party as a barcode. They were an item.
100. A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.
fire engines always red??
Can you cry under water ?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered? assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches ?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round ?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in". . . but it's only a "penny? for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to ?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were? buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?
What illness did cured ham actually have ?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would? be a good idea to put wheels on luggage ?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake? up like every two hours ?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing ?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you ?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV ?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in? binoculars to look at things on the ground ?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for? Miss America ?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call ?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Did You Know?
1. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
2. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
3. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
4. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
5. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
6. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
7. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
8. Is there another word for synonym?
9. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
10. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
11. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
12. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
13. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
14. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
15. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
16. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
17. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
18. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
19. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
20. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
21. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
22. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
23. How is it possible to have a civil war?
24. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
25. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
26. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
27. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
28. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
29. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
30. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
31. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
32. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Misers aren't fun to live with but they make wonderful ancestors.
Act your age, not your I.Q.?
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
May you live all the days of your life.
The English have a remarkable talent for remaining calm even when there is no crisis.
Hertz Van Rental is not a Dutch impressionist painter!
I just heard from Bill Bailey. He's not coming home.
Negative thinking: On the day Edison invented the light bulb, the headlines would have read "Disaster hits the candle-making industry!"
Why is it that women's petticoats sag, yet men's shirts creep up?
TV permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't ordinarily let into your house.
There's an old sayingif you hear an owl hoot "whom" instead of "who", it was probably born and educated in Boston.
A television audience is a lot of people with nothing to do watching a lot of people doing it.
Banks lend billions of dollars to third world countries, but for us, they chain down their pens.
The place was so crowded, you couldn't breathe in and out. You had to breathe up and down.
Adult western. Where the hero still loves his horse, only now he's worried about it.
Tautology. 'Armed and dangerous". Ever heard of anyone being 'Armed and gregarious or armed and helpful'?
If you want people to take notice of a Wet Paint sign, spell it Whet paynt.
And now to the weather. Its zero outside. No temperature at all.
No man forgets where he buried the hatchet.
When it come to giving, some people stop at nothing.
Never slap a man in the face if he's chewing tobacco.
You write? What a coincidence, I read.
Sleep faster, we need the pillows.
I get up at 6 am every morning, no matter what time it is.
We were so poor, chicken soup was the water we boiled the eggs in.
A fly in the soup is better than no meat at all.
My old age is probably explained by the fact that I did not touch?cigarettes, alcohol or women-a until I was twelve years old.
The difference between truth and fiction is that fiction has to make sense.
How can something be pretty ugly, a little big or jumbo shrimp?
We are involved in precision guessing.
Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.
What do nudists do with their car keys after locking the car?
What is called congestion on the roads is called intimacy in night clubs.
Don't make the wrong mistakes.
The easiest way to find something which is lost is to buy a replacement.
If rocket scientists are so smart, why do they always count backwards?
If you tell people a star is ten billion miles away, they believe you.?
Put a sign saying 'wet paint' and they feel an irresistible urge to touch and check.
Thank God I'm an atheist.A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
Speaking of unemployment, the human brain has more than ten billion cells.
My wife gave me a watch. It was waterproof, anti-magnetic, shockproof, unbreakable, lifetime guarantee. I lost it
Maybe the fish goes home and brags about the size of the bait he stole.
There is a difference between wanting a job and wanting work.
No one is too busy to tell you how busy they are.
What can one expect of a day that begins with getting up in the morning?
Rain-something that, when you take an umbrella, it doesn't.
I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
A wise man will never plant more garden than his wife is capable of?taking care of.
Punctuality is the art of arriving just in time to be indignant at the lateness of others
Strip away the layer of artificial tinsel which he displays and get to?the real tinsel underneath.
You can sleep on a matter before you decide-as long as you don't have a competitor who doesn't need sleep.
They don't make antiques like they used to.
It comes in three sizes. Large, Giant and Super. I'll give you the small one-Large.
The watermelons were so big it wouldn't take many to make a dozen.
Among things science does not understand is why mosquitoes do not need sleep.
I do not believe in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
Et cetera: That which makes people believe you know more than you do.
"Our answering machine is away for repair. This is a person speaking."
The brain is an organ with which we think we think.
History is something that never happened, written by a person who was not there.
A person who dares waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.
Sign on a gravestone, "What Are You Staring At!"
A book is a thing you look at when your TV is broken.
A myth is something that was never true but always will be.
Give me the luxuries of life and I will do without the necessities.
Everyone has one thing they can do better than anyone else, even if it is reading their own handwriting.
The more I see of mankind, the more I like my dog.
The human leg is a source of delight;?it carries your weight and governs your height.
Popular music is popular because a lot of people like it and for no?other reason.
Ninety percent of all scientists who ever lived have not yet died.
Research consists of going up alleys to see if they are blind.
Fish and guests begin to smell after three days.
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
2. A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. (thnik abuot taht ofr a miunte)
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a
field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Saran Wrap shorts.?
11. Two hydrogen
atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."?
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him?"?
13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. . . or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butcher the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach
the meat off the top shelf.?
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day, but set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I'm a vegetarian and when I'm feeling wild, I eat animal crackers.
Incontinence Hotline Can you hold, please.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Be nice to your kids. They're the ones who will be choosing your nursing home.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Sarcasm is merely hostility with misdirected wit.
I went to buy some camouflage clothing, but I couldn't find it.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I guess I should have been more specific.
I intend to live forever-so far, so good.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
The difference between capitalism and communism is that under communism man exploits man, whereas under capitalism it's the other way around.
I'd rather have this bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly-and for the same reason.
Only cashiers and babies like change.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.
Why is it called a building when it has already been built?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Is there another word for "synonym"?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "Monosyllabic"?
Did you know that half of all people are below average?
Did you hear of the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw?
What is the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?
Lawyers get disbarred and clergymen defrocked. So doesn't it make sense that ballplayers would be debased, politicians devoted, and cowboys deranged, models deposed, Calvin Klein models debriefed, organ donors delivered, and dry cleaners depressed, decreased, and depleted?
Q. How many narcissists
does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Why is it great to be a test tube baby?
Vader: "Luke Skywalker, I know what you're getting for Christmas."
How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q. How many women with PMS does
it take to change a lightbulb?
many Zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q. How many
psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Q. How many psychoanalysts
does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
How do you get down from an elephant?
Q. Why should
you never fly with Peter Pan?
I'm going to a party. Would you do my homework for me?
Where do otters come from?
Why couldn't the pony talk?
What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with a Border collie?
Bert asked Ernie if he wanted ice cream, and Ernie said, "Sure, Burt."
If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
guy yells across the river, "Hey, how do you get to the other side of this river?"
Wills Perspective on Practicing Psychology: Dr.
Friedman's Practice | Dr.
Friedman's Approach | Therapeutic
Purposes | Credentials
| Experience | Brochures
| Interview | Events
and Workshops | Website Disclaimer