Welcome to the archived web site of
Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. Psychologist (1950-2013)
California License No. PSY 10092
 
Specializing in Presence-Centered Therapy
balancing mind and heart, body and spirit

Now in memoriam - This website is no longer being updated
While Dr. Friedman is no longer with us, there are still many helpful resources on his site. Articles and resource links have been relocated to the top. His family hopes you might find them helpful. But since this site is no longer being updated, some links may no longer work.

 


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Articles by Dr. Friedman (except where noted otherwise)

Categorized by Process | Topic

From His Book | Meditations For Life | The Flow of Money, Business and Innovation | Transpersonal/Mind-Body | Approaches, Worldview and Will-isms

Skills For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free | Feeling, Thought, Communication & Action

Strategies/Distinctions For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free

Awakening Stories/Metaphors For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free | The Way It Is

Holiday Family Gatherings | Cartoons, Jokes and Humor | Poems and Quotes | Song Lyrics, Wit and Wisdom

Jokes, Cartoons and Wisdom

The World According to Stephen Colbert
 

American political satirist, writer, comedian and late-night television host of The Colbert Report on Comedy Central network, Stephen Colbert is pioneering a different mock form of humor in which he is acting as a blustery right-wing pundit. Being relatively apolitical, Colbert's form of political humor that skewers nearly everyone is refreshing. Once smitten though, it is remarkably funny, so long as you have a sense of humor. Enjoy!

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My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot,. . . So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'

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It can be dangerous to multitask. I'd better stop being awesome and fantastic at the same time.

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Have I told you, lately, that I love me?

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If beauty truth and truth beauty, I look fabulous tonight.

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Well, that's it for the show, everybody. Please join me tomorrow night where my guest will be someone with the extreme good fortune of being my guest.

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My character is not based on (Bill) O'Reilly,. . . It's the same guy from The Daily Show. You'd never say its O'Reilly.

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As you know except for my 13 writers and production crew I do this show single handedly four nights a week. I'm also raising a family, promoting a book and two weeks ago I said, "Hey let's run for president."

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This show is an acquired taste. . . if you don't like it, acquire some taste!

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When I decided to run for president, I didn't do it for attention. I did it to fulfill lifelong dream to be the most popular guy in the world.

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Keep those letters coming folks; an unpaid intern skims each one.

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We have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.

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I believe all God's creatures have a soul...except bears-bears are godless killing machines!

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And the number one threat to America is. . . Bears!

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To bears, babies are like Pringles; once they pop, they can't stop!

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When you're hiking, you put this little bell on your clothes and it jingles. That makes the bears think it's Christmas, which they hate because they're godless killing machines.

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Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

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I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what are the facts.

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Facts change, but my opinion never does.


George Demont Otis      Winter Evening

Tim Robbins: Why do you hate the truth? Stephen Colbert: I don't hate the truth. It's facts I'm not a fan of.

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Where does the Constitution get off telling the Government what it can and cannot do?

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We hold these truths to be self-evident, thus I did absolutely no research.

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I'm looking over your shoulder. . . only because I've got your back.

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In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant,. . . One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'

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There's nothing wrong with stretching the Truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, America has won the coin toss, and has elected to receive. . . THE TRUTH!

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Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge. . . or when I want to create some.

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Colbert praised Wikipedia for "wikiality," the reality that exists if you make something up and enough people agree with you, it becomes reality.

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I can't prove it, but I can say it.

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The truthiness will set you free!

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I like my Truth like my coffee: Black or White.

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And that brings us to tonight's word: Truthiness. Now I'm sure some of the word-police, the "wordanistas" over at Websters, are gonna say, "Hey, that's not a word!" Well, anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They're elitist. Constantly telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen. . .

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The 'truthiness' is, anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news...at you.

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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart. . . Think books aren't scary? Well think about this, you can't spell "book" without "boo!"

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

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Forgive me Father, for I have Truthed.

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Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I'm a freaking lunatic.

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You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! But I've got oven mits.

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Caution: You are about to watch me enter a no spin zone!

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As God said to Job, Checkmate

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In success, you wouldn't be able to say I'm conservative or liberal. I'm part of the blame-America-last crowd.

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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

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We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in 'reality.' And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

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Have you ever looked at a cloud and thought it was something else? Then stop. . . smoking...dope!

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Lemme just talk to you for a second about something that I think is good for America: caramel apples. . . I had one last night. Delicious. Not talking about candy apples. I think candy apples are a danger! You crack 'em, they're very sharp. You candy apple crowd need to wake up!

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Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.

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The show is about me in that when you give opinions, you're saying something about yourself.

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Side effects of tonight's show may include euphoria, patriotism, and painful urination.

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No animals were harmed in the recording of this episode. We tried but that damn monkey was just too fast.

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Hey partridge in that pear tree. Stop eating all those pears.

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A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? Consonant or vowel? Make up your mind, we're at war.

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Librarians are hiding something.

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They found a new Earth-like planet. Drive that Hummer all you want.

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Happy National TV Turn-Off Week, you hypocrites! Clothes don't make the man, God does. Stop taking credit, my pants.

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It's the sixty-third anniversary of D-Day. Still waiting for that thank-you note, France.

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Being me is a full-time job, and I've never missed a day.

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Hey, semicolon, comma or colon? Pick a side, we're at war.

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One small step for me. One giant leap for me-kind.

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An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

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Reality has become a commodity.

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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.

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Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!

You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.

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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name; I'm not changing it!

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If you non-Catholic Christians are upset, well just have your Pope issue a response. Oh that's right, you don't have a Pope. Because your faith is defective. Sorry, Catholicism is clearly superior. Don't believe me? Name one Protestant denomination that could afford a $660 million sexual abuse settlement. I think that Lord has spoken on this one.

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Romance languages lead to premarital sex.

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Like any good newsman, I believe that if you're not scared, I'm not doing my job.

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Need I remind you that if the Democrats take control of Congress, Democrats will be in control of Congress!

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Changing 'French fries' to 'Freedom fries' was arguably this Republican Congress's greatest accomplishment.

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Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one. . . Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus-or-minus the facts.

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Now, isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

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You know what you can't outsource? You can't outsource balls. America is the world leader in balls.

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I dare say Gore's movie is the highest grossing PowerPoint presentation in history.

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I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.

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I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable "on notice"? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?

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Going to church. It's my favorite part of being a believer. On a typical Sunday Morning while some people are enjoying brunch or enjoying a good tee time, I sit in church imagining them chained to a burning lake of unquenchable fire. You know it makes even the dullest sermon fly by.

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Isn't a centrist someone who doesn't have the balls to be a fanatic?

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I've never been a fan of doctors. Who are they to tell me that a cholesterol count of 320 is 'dangerous.' Hey doc, take a look at this. It's a potato chip with peanut butter on it. Mmmm? tastes like deep-fried liberty.

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These robots were expected to live on Mars for only 90 days, but two years later, they're still working. This is not good. They're not powering down, they're unkillable, with clear survival instincts. This can only lead to one thing—breeding. Why did we send two of them?!" Don't put your death wish on us, NASA!

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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.

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Listen science, your attempts to discover the awesome, mysterious forces that formed and continue to shape our universe have nothing to do with religion. Keep your 'hard evidence' chocolate out of our 'personal faith' peanut butter. God found Adam under a cabbage leaf. Read the bible.

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It's important to pay your taxes, but it's just as important to pay as little tax as possible. Think of it as putting big government on a diet. The treasury is your fat friend who wants to eat your ice cream cone-but it's your cone, you worked hard for it, and you'll be damned if tubby two-by-four is going to slobber all over it.

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We'll never get the big government gorilla off our backs as long as we keep feeding the money monkey with our banana bucks.

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As natural as a gorilla beating his chest.

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If it's summer and you want a snack comprised of graham cracker, chocolate, and marshmallow, you have to go with a S'more, and that means getting all the supplies, building a campfire, and telling ghost stories. They're terrifying. Not worth it. I just want a cookie.


George Demont Otis      When Fall Meets Winter

New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd has published a new book, "Are Men Necessary?" a series of essays defending her inability to get a date. Yes Maureen, men are necessary. As long as there are spiders to be killed, and jars of spaghetti sauce to be opened.

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I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat.

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A native American group has filed a class-action lawsuit against the government for mismanagement of oil, gas, grazing, timber and other royalties since 1887. They're seeking $100 billion. Here's the good news: The government has responded what I believe is an appropriate counteroffer: A two-cent Navajo stamp.

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Every day, if I could find someone to play with me. If I couldn't find someone to play with me, I would work on my player character.

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Would I kill for that neck,. . . Geraldo gives you a sense of mission. He seems to change the world with every story. I love the ego. You put those two together, you get this sexy package of manliness and mission. I just love it.

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The answer to tonight's Sudoku is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, not necessarily in that order.

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I may disagree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for my right to fight you to the death.

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Sorry egg fans, it's the chicken. End of argument.

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On this show, your voice will be heard...in the form of my voice.

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Folks, the president needs a break. He's like a Black and Decker Cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don't recharge his batteries, he can't suck!

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By the way: The E in E-Mail...stands for 'E-Mail'.

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Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee the earth?

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Remember, the best way to get to sleep is a warm glass of milk. Especially if the cow is addicted to narcotics.

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Some pronounce it 'yee-roe.' Some pronounce it 'gyro.' I pronounce it, 'lamb sandwich.' This is America. Speak English!

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Parents, do not let your daughters read New Moon, and if they absolutely must date a monster, encourage them to go out with a nice zombie, at least he'll be interested in her for her brains.

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Kids, when you grow up you get to celebrate a holiday I like to call UnHalloween, thats where you dress up like a productive member of society, earn a pay check and buy your own damn candy. . . BOO!!!

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[On athiests:] Imagine going through life completely duped into thinking that there's no invisible, omniscient higher power guiding every action on Earth. It's just so arbitrary! Can't they see?

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Atheism: the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority.

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Here is the church, and here is the steeple, open the doors and. . . GET IN THERE YOU ATHEISTS!!!!!!!!!!

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God is Love, Love is Blind, Stevie Wonder is Blind, Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.

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Donkey Kong? Donkey Kong? Sure, a giant ape can throw barrels at an Italian plumber, but when I do it it's considered a hate crime!

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Toothpaste from China is found to contain poison. 4 out of 5 dentists recommend you do not use it. The fifth? Dead.

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You know what prevents childhood obesity? A 19 hour shift in the mills.

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You put your left leg in, you put your left leg out. You put your left leg in and you shake it all about. Who knew Restless Leg Syndrome could be so fun?

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I've said it before: equations are the devil's sentences. The worst one is that quadratic equation, an infernal salad of numbers, letters, and symbols.

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Vowels are elitists. Think about it, there are only 6 of them, and 1 of them is a flip-flopper. Pick a side Y!! We're at War!

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If I had a nickel for every time I was wrong, I would be broke.

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Help control the pet population: teach your dog abstinence.

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[On foreign newspapers] If they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?

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This teaches children a valuable lesson: Expect nothing and be happy you're not kidnapped.

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For those who insist of spending 4 years in an institution that has all the comforts of prison but none of the lasting relationships. . . It is commencement season.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...unless you throw a dictionary at me.

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America, it's time to grab the bull by the horns. And if that bull doesn't have horns, then you're grabbing a cow. Let Go!

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They say only drunks and children tell the truth. Guess which one I am?

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Of course I knew I was better than fiction writers. Last time I checked people who just made stuff up are called liars.

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If your actions speak louder than words. . . you're not yelling loud enough!

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I believe in the freedom of religion. Be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

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I'm about to take two weeks off. You know what that means-fresh injuries.

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If God doesn't exist, then who's bowling when it thunders?

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If it's called the USA Today, why's all the news from yesterday? Busted!

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There's nothing wrong with stretching the Truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

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Reality has become a commodity.

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I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them, because police officers call me 'sir'.

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I don't like pelicans, they remind me of pterodactyls and that means they support evolution. That makes me and God angry!

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I got 99 problems but the truth ain't one.

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Mother Teresa might have doubted the existence of God-boy did she have a bad career counselor!

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I believe global warming is happening because Al Gore's movie made money. . . the market has spoken.

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John deer. Nothing runs like a deer, till you hit it with a tractor.

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You can't put a price on knowledge. . . but the market can!

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The book of Job: Bad things happen to good people, suck it up.

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Live free and snack hard!!!

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You know what they say. When in Rome, get on a plane back to America.

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Just because the Pope is infallible doesn't mean he can't make mistakes. If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

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Sure, [Picasso] re-wrote the rules of painting, but you know what? I liked those rules. Especially the one about me knowing what the hell you painted.

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If Monet was such a genius he would have thought to paint on something a little less punch-able than canvas, like a highway sign.

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How many of the Founding Fathers were pirates?

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What walks on two legs in the morning, four legs in the afternoon and three legs at night? I have no idea but it could kill you.

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Caution: This show may be a suffocation hazard because you can't poke holes in my arguments!

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There is nothing more mouth-watering than a strong, healthy bovine in the artificial hormone-induced prime of life.

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Remember, when life gives you lemons make lemonade. . . provided life also gave you water, sugar and ice. Otherwise that advice is just cruel.

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I'm confused. It's like there are bees in my head.

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Well Nation we've obviously ruffled the feathers of some pretty important people. . . People with feathers.

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Jimmy. . . Jimmy! There are no more words in my prompter! Open wide baby bird, 'cause momma's got a big fat night crawler of Truth.

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Think about. I haven't.

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I do my show-half hour night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop-I'm not gonna.

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Nation, I don't understand much about quantum mechanics, or regular mechanics for that matter. When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one.

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Folks, I must be old meat, because you people spoil me.

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Think Globally. Nap Locally.

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I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.


George Demont Otis      Snow Capped Mountains

 


Home | Dedication/Orientation | Articles by Dr. Friedman | Video and Audio Clips | Annotated Resource Links | Psychology Professionals

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