Welcome to the archived web site of
Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. Psychologist (1950-2013)
California License No. PSY 10092
 
Specializing in Presence-Centered Therapy
balancing mind and heart, body and spirit

Now in memoriam - This website is no longer being updated
While Dr. Friedman is no longer with us, there are still many helpful resources on his site. Articles and resource links have been relocated to the top. His family hopes you might find them helpful. But since this site is no longer being updated, some links may no longer work.

 


Home
Articles by Dr. Friedman
Dedication/Orientation
Video and Audio Clips
Annotated Resource Links
Psychology Professionals

Dr. Will’s Perspective on Practicing Psychology:

Dr. Friedman's Practice
Dr. Friedman's Approach
Therapeutic Purposes
Credentials | Experience
Brochures | Interview
Events and Workshops

Website Disclaimer
Contact




 

Articles by Dr. Friedman (except where noted otherwise)

Categorized by Process | Topic

From His Book | Meditations For Life | The Flow of Money, Business and Innovation | Transpersonal/Mind-Body | Approaches, Worldview and Will-isms

Skills For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free | Feeling, Thought, Communication & Action

Strategies/Distinctions For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free

Awakening Stories/Metaphors For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free | The Way It Is

Holiday Family Gatherings | Cartoons, Jokes and Humor | Poems and Quotes | Song Lyrics, Wit and Wisdom

Jokes, Cartoons and Wisdom

The World According to George Carlin
 

The Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize celebrates the life and humor of the late comedian George Carlin who passed away at age 71 on June 22, 2008. He won four Grammy awards for his comedy albums. George Carlin may be one of the most lived and socially incisive stand-up comedian we have. He was unafraid to challenge convention, authority and common knowledge. Carlin is known for his political insights, black humor and observations on language, religion, psychology and many taboo subjects. His humor is outlandish. Enjoy his reflections on life, the world and all the daily idiocy that comes on our paths if you dare.

*

How to Stay Young

*

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

*

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

*

3. Keep learning. Learn more about your business, the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

*

4. Enjoy the simple things.

*

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

*

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who Is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

*

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

*

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

*

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

*

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

*

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

*

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

*

*

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

*

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

*

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

*

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

*

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

*

Swimming is not a sport; swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!


George Demont Otis      Toward The Bodega Bay

Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." For instance: a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck. He is the victim of an accident. If the truck was delivering sugar, he is the victim of an oddly poetic coincidence. But if the truck was delivering insulin, ah! Then he is the victim of an irony.
 

*

Advertising Lullaby

*

Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience
Economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality
Low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms
Affordable prices, money-back guarantee.

*

Free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations,
Free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, and free parking.

*

No cash? No problem! No kidding! No fuss, no muss,
No risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment,
No entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary,
No one will call on you, no payments or interest till September.

*

Limited time only, though, so act now, order today, send no money,
Offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately,
Batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final,
Allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available,
Some assembly required, some restrictions may apply.

*

So come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation with our friendly, professional staff. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget.

*

And say, don't forget to pick up your free gift: a classic deluxe custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet pocket pencil sharpener. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It's our way of saying thank you.

*

And if you act now, we'll include an extra added free complimentary bonus gift at no cost to you: a classic deluxe custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet combination key ring, magnifying glass, and garden hose, in a genuine imitation leather-style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It's our way of saying thank you.

*

Actually, it's our way of saying 'Bend over just a little farther so we can. . . "

*

*

Always do whatever's next.

*

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

*

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, how can that be? How can you not have all day?

*

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

*

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

*

I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free. A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist. Politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect. I've been uplinked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech lowlife. A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bicoastal multitasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond. I'm new wave, but I'm old school, and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired, heat-seeking, warm-hearted, cool customer, voice activated and biodegradable. I interface with my database, and my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive, and from time-to-time I'm radioactive. Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging a bullet, pushing the envelope. I'm on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb, a top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. A raging workaholic; a working rageaholic. Out of rehab, and in denial. I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up, you can't dumb me down. 'Cause I'm tireless, and I'm wireless, I'm an alpha male on beta-blockers. I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid back but fashion forward. Up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance. Super-size, long lasting, high-definition, fast acting, oven-ready, and built to last. I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk, head-case. Prematurely post-traumatic, and I have a love child who sends me hate mail. But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing, a supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly, and lactose intolerant. I like rough sex, I like tough love, I use the F-word in my E-Mail, and the software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini mall; I bought a mini van in a mega store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I'm toll free, bite sized, ready to wear, and I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal, lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock. Rough tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I got glide in my stride. Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin', jivin' and groovin', wailin' and winnin'. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty, and lunchtime is crunch time. I'm hanging in, there ain't no doubt. And I'm hanging tough, over and out.

*

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

*

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

*

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

*

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

*

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

*

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

*

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

*

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

*

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

*

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

*

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

*

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

*

I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.

*

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me-they're cramming for their final exam.

*

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

*

Muhammad Ali, whose job is beating people up, didn't want to go overseas and kill people. And the government said, 'If you're not going to kill them, we're not going to let you beat them up.'

*

Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: "We are the proud parents of a child who's self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.

*

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

*

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

*

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.

*

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

*

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

*

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

*

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

*

The status quo sucks.

*

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

*

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose. . . it'll be much harder to detect.

*

Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

*

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

*

Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.

*

Think off-center.

*

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

*

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

*

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?


George Demont Otis      Sunset Golden Gate

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

*

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

*

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

*

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

*

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

*

It's never just a game when you're winning.

*

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

*

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

*

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

*

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

*

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

*

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

*

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

*

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

*

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

*

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

*

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

*

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

*

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

*

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

*

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

*

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

*

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

*

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

*

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*

I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.

*

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

*

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me.

*

You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montana, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.

*

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

*

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

*

Only a nation of unenlightened half-wits could have taken this beautiful place and turned it into what it is today-a shopping mall.

*

"One thing leads to another"? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

*

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

*

I think I am, therefore I am. I think.

*

An art thief is a man who takes pictures.

*

The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.

*

I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

*

If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

*

All music is the blues. All of it.

*

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too.

*

I'm really a populist, down in the very center of me. I like the power people can accrue for themselves, and I like the idea of user-generated content and taking power from the corporations. The other half of the conflict, though, is that, traditionally speaking, artists are protected from copyright infringement. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about solving this issue. It's someone else's job.

*

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.

*

Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal.

*

The world needs heroes and it's better they be harmless men like me than villains like Hitler.

*

I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.

*

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. . . Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.

*

I do this real moron thing, it`s called thinking, and I`m not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

*

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

*

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

*

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.

*

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

*

I`m not afraid of heights, I`m just afraid of falling from them.

*

When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.

*

Don`t confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything`s gonna be all right.

*

How is it possible to have a civil war?

*

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

*

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

*

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?

*

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

*

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

*

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

*

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

*

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

*

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

*

Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.

*

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

*

The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.

*

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

*

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

*

What's all this stuff about motivation? I say, if you need motivation, you probably need more than motivation. You probably need chemical intervention or brain surgery. Actually, if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me.

*

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

*

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

*

There's no morality in business. It doesn't have a conscience. It has only the cash register. They'll sell you crappy things that you don't need, that don't work, that they won't stand behind. It's a glorified legal form of criminal behavior.

*

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.

*

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work.

*

Sex without love has its place, and it's pretty cool, but when you have it hand in hand with deep commitment and respect and caring, it's nine thousand times better.

*

If it's morally wrong to kill anyone, then it's morally wrong to kill anyone. Period.

*

It's amazing to me that literacy isn't considered a right.

*

Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices.

*

I wish that we could measure how much the potential of the mind to expand has been stunted by television.

*

Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.

*

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.

*

If there's ever a golden age of mankind, it will not include men over two hundred pounds beating children who are less than one hundred pounds, and it will not include the deliberate killing of people in a formal setting.

*

I would die for the safety of the people I love.

*

Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life.


George Demont Otis      Rocky Coast


 

 


Home | Dedication/Orientation | Articles by Dr. Friedman | Video and Audio Clips | Annotated Resource Links | Psychology Professionals

Dr. Will’s Perspective on Practicing Psychology: Dr. Friedman's Practice | Dr. Friedman's Approach | Therapeutic Purposes | Credentials | Experience | Brochures | Interview | Events and Workshops | Website Disclaimer | Contact