Welcome to the archived web site of
Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. Psychologist (1950-2013)
California License No. PSY 10092
 
Specializing in Presence-Centered Therapy
balancing mind and heart, body and spirit

Now in memoriam - This website is no longer being updated
While Dr. Friedman is no longer with us, there are still many helpful resources on his site. Articles and resource links have been relocated to the top. His family hopes you might find them helpful. But since this site is no longer being updated, some links may no longer work.

 


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Articles by Dr. Friedman (except where noted otherwise)

Categorized by Process | Topic

From His Book | Meditations For Life | The Flow of Money, Business and Innovation | Transpersonal/Mind-Body | Approaches, Worldview and Will-isms

Skills For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free | Feeling, Thought, Communication & Action

Strategies/Distinctions For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free

Awakening Stories/Metaphors For Life: The Core Playing Field | Free the Ego, and You Are Free | The Way It Is

Holiday Family Gatherings | Cartoons, Jokes and Humor | Poems and Quotes | Song Lyrics, Wit and Wisdom

Approaches, Worldview and Will-isms

Will-isms 1

Observations and Provocations, Warnings and Protections, Realizations and Awarenesses

© 2011 by Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Over many years I have been asked to assemble the short quips that somehow spring out of my mouth. Taking these with a huge grain of salt, I've smiled and replied, "Someday, perhaps," never seriously considering doing anything with them. To anyone looking in, they may appear to be blatantly self-preoccupied, vain and even narcissistic. Of course, whatever you resist simply persists, and usually with additional wind in the sails.

Given an understanding that nothing here is personal and style-wise is purely a reflection of my personality, no matter how quirkish, idiosyncratic and unique, here are the phrases or "Will-ism's" as people call them that clients seem to like best to wrap an entire discussion into a snappy phrase. May this tickle your funny bone and shine light into corners of consciousness that heretofore were in the shade, as they had been for me before they came out of my mouth, wherever they came from. Impersonally, enjoy yourself!

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You gotcha what you gotcha, and you don't gotcha what you don't gotcha.

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All is well.

It's all good.

Love is here.

Peace is ours.

I AM free.

This! alone is real.

All is divine.

Celebrate everything.

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You can have anything you want in life that is available in reality so long as you don't need it.

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Without clarity, chaos reigns; with clarity, direction is obvious.

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How do you see illusions that, by their very nature, remain unseen and are believed to be true by our minds within the mindset or mentality that created them? How could you ever break free from these imaginary chains, other than to see it all as an imaginary dream? Would you rather have your life or an incredible version, imitation and simulation of your life?

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If you get invited to a stress free, pain free seminar, DON'T GO! That's called dead!

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To rub me the wrong way, there's got to be a wrong way to begin with. There is nothing you can do that will train me to reject or abandon you—I'm unteachable and untrainable.

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How do you see the illusion of your ego-mind or separate volitional self when you are looking through its lenses and standing inside its fabricated reality? How would you ever see yellow wearing those blue sunglasses? How could a fish ever know it is in water if it has swum in water all its life? How would a human being ever see its mind if it has only ever been inside its mind all its life?

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Don't think; but be. Simply pause, look and see for yourself.

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In your never-ending quest for Love, Peace and Unity, see how you are awash in this.

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You can invite and welcome and create open space for Presence and witnessing.You just happen to have no direct control over either happening.

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Should didn't happen, and shouldn't already happened.

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Feed no fires that end up burning you. Set up no consequences that end up punishing you.

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What needs healing is our perceptions. Heal your perceptions and you heal your life.

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Take away all fuel or timber and oxygen, and what happens to the fire? Yes, it goes out.

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When you bet against another, are you not betting against yourself, the world, universe and God? When you bet against yourself, are you not betting against everyone, the world, universe and God? Do you really want to bet against anyone, ever?

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When you bet on anyone, you bet on everyone. To bet on you is to bet on another, and to bet on another is to bet on yourself.

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There is only the One and Oneness in truth and reality.

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Life is far more extreme than meets the eye. When negative, defeating and destructive words and actions occur, we really have no idea just how much harm comes from this. Similarly, when positive, uplifting and constructive words and actions occur, we again have no idea just how much good comes from this. Both evil and the miraculous are far more extreme than we can even begin to fathom.
Appearances lie all the time and people lie all the time. The truth of this moment and who you truly are cannot lie.

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I didn't know I couldn't do it, so I did it anyway. Actually, I didn't know I knew.
Nobody takes dead bodies onto dance floors. There are always two people dancing.

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Watch out for the dreaded "to me's, on me's, at me's, upon me's and made me's! Is that how life truly shows up after about age nine, the age of reason, and with the exceptions of violent crimes, epileptic seizures as well as neurological and speech challenges?

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It's a looking-glass universe. It's you everywhere all the time.

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I'm reasonable enough to be unreasonable at times, and I'm unreasonable enough to be reasonable at times. The trick is knowing when to be reasonable and when to be unreasonable.

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It's all projections and agendas of the mind. None of it even exists in reality. The mind is only an imaginary identity and false self. It really doesn't exist in reality. Find me a deeper irony than this: a non-existent entity being absolutely terrified of it's own death, annihilation and non-existence?

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It's all an inside job. We are all molecules in the mind of God.

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Power is never given; it is only ever taken.

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A tactic revealed is a tactic defused.

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I stop when it begins to hurt me.

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Provide no ammunition to anyone holding a gun pointed in your direction.

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Accept no s— and you get no s—, no s—!

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How is this any of your business?

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Don't mess with what is none of your business.

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Just because you are "set up" to go for the hook, doesn't mean you have to bite.

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What are you waiting in the no-waiting zone called life?

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This moment is the only time you will have any input on your life.

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The only time that is real and exists is this moment—it's always now!

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If, if only, and if then never happened.

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All concepts, beliefs and thoughts are only concepts, beliefs and thoughts, not real.
Unless someone is clearly signed up, he or she is probably not signed up.

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Adults? What adults? Don't let the big bodies fool you!

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No feeding the animals, especially egos.


George Demont Otis     Sunland
 

Do not teach the unteachable, coach the uncoachable or support the unsupportable. Do not teach pigs to sing—it is a poor use of your time and resources, and annoy the pig. Pigs no not sing, fly or dance since it's not in their repertoire of behavior.

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I have no regrets over what I didn't do, and no regrets over what I did do, since in every moment I am doing the best I know in each moment given my neurology/genetics and environmental conditioning.

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I live in a fault-free, blame-free, guilt-free, shame-free and resentment-free universe, and I warmly invite and welcome you to it.

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"But's" are to sat on, not talked about. End all problems—replace all "but's" with "and's."

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I do not listen to or dish gossip—it's simply my policy.

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Don't you find playing the "right-wrong game" rather boring after awhile?

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How much longer do you want to continue indulging in what has no chance to ever work?

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Don't go to bed with anyone sicker than you are.

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The slower you go, the farther you get; the slower you proceed, the farther you progress. The faster you go, the sooner you fall smack dab on your face.

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Learn your lessons thoroughly to not repeat them endlessly.

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Refuse to bet against anyone since, in effect, you will be betting against everyone, including yourself.

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Would you rather be a part of the solution or part of the problem?

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Be who you want to find—consciousness finds consciousness, without fail or exception.

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Celebrate everything since someone will in any event. It might as well be you.
If it was obvious, you would have already done it.

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While it isn't so hard to describe what does show up, it is enormously challenging to describe what is not showing up or is absent. Go ahead, what is not showing up or absent in this moment?

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So many people seem to know so well what they don't want and have no clear idea about what they do want. Have they ever asked themselves or looked?

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Tell me what "mind to be" do you bring into this moment, and your reality will be obvious.

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By definition, something in your blind spot cannot be seen. How can you be aware of something you have never seen or cannot see?

Do you know anything about the future? Does it even exist? I don't even use the word "future" any more. Isn't it simply the unfolding or evolving present, since it keeps showing up just in the nick of time in the present?

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Ignorance is not bliss—it's actually an opening to harm. What you don't know hurts you all the time.

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Does anyone leave or abandon you, or do they simply leave and abandon?

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Who gets you angry? Or, even given set ups in life, it is you angering yourself?

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Does a "problem" or "issue" exist, other than in your mind? Do we all simply have situations, life conditions and circumstances all the time that are changing?

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There is no such thing as a true belief; it's an oxymoron.

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Take that good idea and $3 and you can get a hot or cold drink anywhere in town, and be sure to bring the three bucks.

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When you passionately say, "I just can't live life like this!," the possibility of true transformation is exponentially increased. Saying you "can't" is usually a smokescreen for saying you "won't" or simply you don't want to it. Some prefer to change by kicking and screaming to health and well being.

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Your True Self is ever beaming its signal over station KYOU, a brother/sister-station of KGOD.

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When you see through the illusion of a separate volitional self and conscious choice, your true life begins.

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Welcoming presence welcomes your True Self—life becomes an option, not an obsession, a possibility, not and preoccupation, a calm clarity, not a driven compulsion.

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To remember, serve and love—a perfectly valid way to see fulfilling our life purpose—is nothing more than the absence of the fictive ego and its animation.

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Find me two more critical skills to develop in life than opening space for being present and witnessing, that is, presence and standing outside the mind to see what it is up to right now.

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To enjoy a conscious life will cost you exactly one ego—yours!

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Release past tripping and future tripping, and all that can remain is Presence itself.
Once you see through the illusion of a mistaken identity called the ego-mind, all that remains is your Original Nature, True Self and authentic liberated Self.

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Provide no ammunition to someone holding a gun pointed in your direction.
If doing what you've done will only get you what you've already got, then only doing what you haven't done will get you what you don't already have. When you take away all ammunition, arguments and battles, the war ends. It must.

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Whenever anyone in a system truly changes and transforms, the entire system must change and transform as well.

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Whenever you refuse to lower yourself to another's level, and with the proviso that no one leaves or dies, the other party must rise to your level. They essentially have no choice given it is so darn uncomfortable.

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It matters not how many times you fall into the ditch of playing in the imaginary past of memories or in the imaginary future of expectations. What matters is recognizing you are in a ditch, and immediately get out, hose yourself off, dry yourself and get back on the path of being here-and-now. Only your fictive ego-mind is counting anyway.

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Is the past or the future real in this moment?

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You are who you are truly looking for.

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Instead of giving another what you want, give another what they want. When you inform another what you want, they just may surprise you and give it you. Who knew?

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Continue sleepwalking through life by unconsciously just going through the motions, and certainly one day you will die never having actually lived.

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When you simply do what you would naturally and normally do, you stay non-manipulated by anything and anyone, no matter what the circumstances, life conditions and situations are.

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Isn't saying, "I can't believe it!," just another way to languish in denial and avoidance of what is?

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Happiness is wanting what you have and not wanting what you do not have.
So many people know so well what they DO NOT want. So, what DO you really want?

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The inner peace of mind you so desire is as near as your very heartbeat and breathe.

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If who you are being is false, how can you be true to anyone?

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Do not answer unanswerable questions. Sanity has its cost as well.

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What's the truth here?

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Is there anything beyond insanity that can be contributed right now?

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If all else fails, let's simply do what works. What will work here-and-now?

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Words, without corresponding actions, are merely hot air running over vocal cords.

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Secrets keep us sick. There is the realm of privacy and then there is the realm of secrets.

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What respect can you have for anyone who indulges in malicious gossip that hurts people?

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Are you bashing your head against the wall, thinking there is a door there?

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The last way to get a male to do anything is to tell him what to do, when to do it and how to do it.


George Demont Otis     View Through The Aspen
 

If you are looking for "normal," then check out the dial on a washing machine. It's the only "normal" you are apt to find.

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What are you allowing thoughts and beliefs to take up residence in your mind rent-free?

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How your mind feels about you is none of your business.

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Mind reading is purely 'making up data' you know nothing about. This is also called pure speculation.

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Mind, heart and soul reading are great ways to inform others that you are less than informed.

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We can't see who we are because we are it!

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Are you a tester, a wader or a plunger in life?

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The Golden Ear: say nothing you would not want to hear.

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How are you treating the world? How are you treating life itself?

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If you really want to make God laugh, tell Him all your plans and expectations. All the schemes, deals and shenanigans are a great way to make the angels laugh. We're actually Comedy Central on Angel TV. KYOU is a sister-brother station of the KGOD network.

Are you on autopilot? Did you hear the clicking off of the air conditioning?

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What needs to be fixed if you are not broken?

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Only the lead husky in a team of dogs gets a change of scenery. You know what the rest of them are looking at.

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There is a kernel of truth inside of all humor. Otherwise, why would you laugh? No one would.

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No one home, already Home.

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Wake up, no beat up. Pummeling yourself or another never got any one anywhere, besides badly bruised and worse for the wear.

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Cancel and erase. The truth is…There is only one problem with bending over. Regularly you find a foot rising up and kicking you.

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To have life work, do whatever works, whatever it takes—this will be; make it so.

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"Me no wanna" indicates resistance at the least, avoidance and denial quite regularly, and a delusion or false idea underlying it almost all the time.

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Eggs are precious; sperm are cheap. All aspects of a relationship, including making love, are the woman's prerogative no matter what is said or what it looks like in that moment.

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The facts are friendly. It's okay to look, and see what you see

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I can give you all the permission in the world to be present, witness your imaginary mind or ego, feel your feelings and have the "mind to be" happy, and none of will make any real difference until you give yourself permission.

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Women bear men's insistence as well as men bear women's urgency—NOT!

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When a gift is impulsively offered and just as quickly withdrawn for no apparent reason, you have to question the worth of the gift being offered and its source in the first place?

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Who appointed you sheriff of the universe? I have no recollection of ever doing this.

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The moment you agree with your mind that you now "know," notice how presence, an open awareness, and engaging in an investigative inquiry process all essentially ceases.

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The only ones who seem to appreciate change are cashiers and wet or soiled babies.

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Have limits set for you, and it is a tyranny. Set limits for yourself, and it is a freedom.

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Surprise yourself!—do what your heart desires. You just may discover Life works. Who knew?!

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You can use the tool of reason and still be present, but not think you ARE these thoughts and still remain present.

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Saying, "If only…you could. . . " is akin to saying, "If only I was a giraffe with a long enough neck, I could eat the sweetest leaves at the very top of trees (of course, I am not!).

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Continuing to do the same old things usually produces the same old results. It takes doing something not the same to arrive somewhere not the same, with not the same old results.

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The crossroads of life every moment: Act as your own authority or be a "sheepal."
We are ever at the crossroads of life: the separation of hell or the oneness of heaven.

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Better to look at the ego than be driven by it.

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[To the false self/imaginary ego] Good life, good luck and good-bye.

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What really sucks? Vacuums, saliva injectors, straws and gravity suck. Everything else is optional.

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There cannot be a breath-through without the vulnerability to process through a breakdown.

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Who are you aiming to convince? And there's only you and I in this conversation.
Moderation in all things, including moderation itself.

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If "sorry" is located in the past that doesn't even exist, then what place does "sorry" have in the present?

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Constructions like "if only," "if then," and "someday" are located in the future that no one knows anything about and actually don't even exist.

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It takes a crab breaking out of its shell (molting), just like transplanting a plant root-bound in a small pot into a bigger pot or garden, to continue to grow.

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If your nose runs and your feet smell, then you're upside-down.

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Patience is not the imaginary self's or ego-mind's strong suit. Actually, this "I" does not even exist.

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We all miss things from time to time. You must have missed school that decade.

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It's your very best thinking that has gotten you right where you are.

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You've undoubtedly heard, "Don't believe everything you think." Consider believing nothing you think!

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My mind has a mind of its own!

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Beliefs are not to be believed!

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There is no opposite in the Absolute realm, only an absence. For instance, Love has no real opposite—certainly neither hate nor indifference or apathy qualify.

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If you are hoarding, you are affirming lack.

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The system is not the solution; the system is the sickness.

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What if, in reality, there are no problems or issues—only challenges, situations, circumstances, life conditions and non-issues?

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The more you mess with reality and changing "what is," the more reality messes with you. It's nothing personal.

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As you lose interest in all the ego-mind's shenanigans and fixations, machinations and idiocies, then "it" just doesn't matter very much. Live well, prosper and contribute.

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The misplaced identity, imaginary self or ego-mind only wants to out god God because it is its own God.

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What religion do I belong to? The one God belongs to.

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The more crap you put up with, the more crap you get. Equally, the less crap you put up with, the less crap you get. It's all up to you.

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If you don't want to get it, you just don't get it.

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With a bonded, loving partner making rumblings about dissatisfaction and leaving, remember that possession is 90 percent of the law—it's rather unlikely (not fool-proof) that the person is going nowhere.


George Demont Otis     Wildflowers By The Creek

Pain is mandatory; suffering is essentially optional. It's just a shift in perception away.

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What do I know? I'm with Socrates—the only thing I know is that I know nothing.
With reactivity and taking garbage, less is more. In fact, a whole lot less is a whole lot more.

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[With someone on drugs, in a manic or hypomanic state, or on an emotional tear] It's the perfect storm—hell on wheels!

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Scarcity is the ultimate affirmation of scarcity, while consciously possessing nothing is ultimately inhabiting and embodying everything. Ironic, isn't it?

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Go far enough into pleasure, and it becomes painful. Go far enough into pain, and it begins to become a twisted pleasure. What if they are both hoaxes?

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Reality is far, far simpler than our minds can even begin to fathom. Once you realize that in spite of all your figuring everything out, there is nothing to figure out, it's spelled r-e-l-i-e-f.

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Do you think the universe cares whether you like or dislike something, want or don't want something? It cares so much about what you like or dislike, what you like or dislike, that it simply yawns, a big old gawky rude yawn of utter and complete indifference.

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The only thing the universe cares about is saying, "Yes, my darling" to every arising moment. If you can't find "it" right here and now with exactly what you are in this moment, then you simply can't find what is right in front of your face, body and being right now. Given that everything is complete in every moment and there is nothing to do anyways, then you might as well take a deep breath, stretch and relax. Cats know that all is well.

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What would you go for if you knew you couldn't fail?

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Better to be the student than the teacher since you learn far more. Make no mistake about it—the person right in front of you in this moment is your very best teacher. How could it be otherwise?

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If it is impossible to lose anything that is real, and the unreal never existed, then what is there to ever worry about, fret over or be afraid of?

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How amazing, joyful and surprising could you stand this moment to be? This moment is precisely the answer.

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If not here, then where? If not now, then when? If not you, then whom?

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There is no there, only here. There is no when, only now. There is no other, only This!

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Human beings if left to their own devises (that is, left to their mind's endless thinking), are an ever-present real danger to themselves, others and all living things.

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One of the favorite ego games is the chocolate covered turd theory of change. There is this change we don't like, get frustrated with, and often build up into hate. We have no idea what we're dealing with, and only know we want it to go away. So we cleverly find a way to pour chocolate over it through creating a diversion, changing the subject, creating a tizzy fit, getting emotional or reactive, or using an external intervention like a drug, medication or procedure to smokescreen it away from consciousness. Of course, this does not make anything go away—it's only chocolate covering the turd, instead of moving all the way through it as it's recycled into our garden for new growth to occur.

Another favorite ego game is to make out like you are a billiard ball. You could call it the billiard ball theory of causality. So you allow your mind to act as if you are a billiard ball being propelled and knocked around the billiard table of life, especially by that white ball. The language of ego playing the role of victim almost unfailingly shows up, with its poor me sayings, the dreaded "to me's, on me's, at me's, upon me's and made me's." The way out is ownership, first in subjective observation, second in subjective experience, and ultimately in responsibly realizing that you are creating the whole emotional show. For instance, the available growth sequence goes from, "You are pissing me off!," to "I'm pissed when I see you blatantly lying to my face while putting on a phony smile," to "I really piss myself off when I notice how you treat yourself in such a hateful and disgusting way." To honestly own that our moods and emotions are almost entirely "an inside job" is unheard of. Almost no one, yes no one, not a living soul, talks like this.

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It would be wiser still simply to not to go there (the ego-mind) period!

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The ego-mind provides such an overwhelming amount of laughable material every day, it's a wonder that comedians and humorists can even keep up.

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Non Corborundum Est [Don't let the bast----- grind you down] —Not original

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Some lovely folks are 100 percenters—they follow the Nike philosophy of "Just do it." Everyone can be a 100 percenter, once he or she makes up his or her "mind to be." Abraham Lincoln astutely saw that, "People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

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I don't see it; I don't get it; I don't buy it; and I don't believe you. I AM free. (In answer to the ego-mind as a "conversation stopper").

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Without providing a clear understandable context, we have no idea what anything means.

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The optical illusion, imaginary identity and false self known as the mind or ego actually makes up all the meanings. In truth, the meaning of anything is simply That! The blue sky means the blue sky. I am late means I am late. Someone is behaving in an insulting or kind way means someone is behaving in an insulting or kind way. There is no meaning independent of perception and the mind's interpretations.

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It's always so startling and unacceptable to our mind that anyone wouldn't like and adore us. In our minds we are the standard for being a good person. Besides, in our minds we are always right, right?

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There really are no shortcuts in life other than to do the essential work in the trenches of life moment by moment and to do your best to tell the truth, at least to yourself.

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How many atomic bombs does it take to ruin your day? Just one. Can you afford one nuclear explosion?

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Can you afford one negative idea? Oh, really?

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You can accomplish just about anything in life so long as you bring two things: an absolutely gut riveting vision and give everyone else the credit.

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What is a commitment? Without three critical elements showing up in life, you do not have a commitment. Make a public statement of intention, follow through completely in actions, and state a time and date for beginning and ending along with timely updates, and that's a commitment. Nothing else counts.

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A great number of people "think" they are in relationships; they're not. Most are in "involvements" that comes from the world "involve" meaning to be complicated, entangled and enmeshed. A "relationship," deriving from the word "relation," means a state of being related, like kinship or brothers and sisters. Which one are you in right now?

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The inherited, conditioned, testosterone-driven and REGRESSIVE male psyche is remarkably simple: if you can't hump it, eat it; and if you can't eat it, kill it; repeat. The longer version includes: joke a lot, enjoy sports, roughhouse with your kids, and work a lot; good luck in getting or keeping the male's undivided attention; get quickly angered, tell women to "Shut the hell up!" in projecting what belongs to you, let the male ego and pride prevent taking ownership for any misstep; repeat. Actually, contrary to all cultural myths, males are the real romantics lifelong and can be quite considerate, loving and respectful, when the ego-mind is at bay. [No disrespect intended]

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The inherited, conditioned, estrogen-driven and REGRESSIVE female psyche is rather complicated. Although it is rife with changing moods and hormonal cycles, the female psyche boiled down looks like this: size up the social situation, affiliate, nurture, indirectly talk about it, avoid conflict, shop, prepare meals, and make others happy; if you can't make others happy, at least say you are sorry a lot, comfort them and make them comfortable; if you can't do this, help and rescue them; and if you can't help and rescue them, then worry, fret, complain, gossip and be upset over not being cared for, important or liked; if you don't get a receptive ear for worrying, fretting, complaining and being upset, then watch television, model dresses, shop by mail order, talk with mother and girlfriends some more, and eat chocolate, and if that doesn't work, as a last resort, mope, be distant and depressed, act cold as ice, get very irritated, act nasty, and blame others for not giving help in the hope of getting a reaction; repeat. Actually, in accord with cultural myths, females are our species life stewards, are often quite warm and loving, and deeply appreciate and model Being and Presence. Like I said, it's complicated. [Again, no disrespect intended]

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The million-mile frequent flyers all adhere to the same credo: travel lightly. You think they know something the rest of us don't?

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If I only knew what I didn't know, then I'd really know. What if I actually already know what I didn't think I know, and I just don't remember it? Then what there is to do is simply remember what I didn't think I knew that I already in fact know. Gee, that's simple, isn't it?


George Demont Otis     Golden Evening

 
© 2011 by Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
 

 


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